Letters to Lily (Letters to... #1)

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Special Dedication

  Chapter One - Sasha

  Chapter Two - Kade

  Chapter Three - Sasha

  Chapter Four - Kade

  Chapter Five - Sasha

  Chapter Six - Kade

  Chapter Seven - Sasha

  Chapter Eight - Kade

  Chapter Nine - Sasha

  Chapter Ten - Kade

  Chapter Eleven - Sasha

  Chapter Twelve - Kade

  Chapter Thirteen - Sasha

  Chapter Fourteen - Kade

  Chapter Fifteen - Sasha

  Chapter Sixteen - Kade

  Chapter Seventeen - Sasha

  Chapter Eighteen - Kade

  Chapter Nineteen - Sasha

  Chapter Twenty - Kade

  Chapter Twenty-One - Sasha

  Chapter Twenty-Two - Kade

  Chapter Twenty-Three - Sasha

  Chapter Twenty-Four - Kade

  Chapter Twenty-Five - Sasha

  Chapter Twenty-Six - Kade

  Chapter Twenty-Seven - Sasha

  Epilogue

  Extras

  About the Author

  Letters to Lily

  Christine M. Butler

  No part of this book may be reproduced or redistributed, in part or in whole, without consent.

  Any resemblence to real life persons, places, or things is purely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2016 Christine M. Butler

  Moonlit Dreams Publications

  All rights reserved.

  Cover Design - Copyright © 2016 Christine M. Butler

  Cover image - Antonioguillem - dollarphotoclub

  Special Dedication

  This book wouldn't be here if not for my daughter, Lexy. Once upon a time when I came up with the idea, I sat down and wrote out a rather large synopsis of the story, including the letter to Kaden that Sasha will write. I read them to her and she made me promise I would finish that book.

  Nearly four months, and a lot of family drama later, she found a sticky note of mine that had fallen out of the binder with the notes I had tucked aside for this story. She brought it to me, and I honestly didn't even recognize what it went to. I have a bazillion story ideas sitting around waiting to be told.

  After nearly four months, with only one little sticky note reminder, she recounted the whole synopsis with so much passion that the characters came alive for me again, and I sat down and worked out an entire outline and timeline from both main characters' points of view that day. One week, one aching back, and stiff fingers later I had a book written. Of course, my little girl was asking me every day if I was finished writing it yet.

  It's only fitting then that the first book I release in the new adult contemporary romance genre should be the one that had so much heart my daughter couldn't forget it. She is my heart after all. While she can’t read this particular version, she has a very special copy now where certain scenes fade to black. ;)

  I hope you all enjoy the characters as much as she did.

  Chapter One

  ~Sasha~

  April 29 - I listened foolishly as the robotic voice dashed my dreams again before hanging up. I'd all ready left voicemail after voicemail pleading with Kade to call me, because I had something important to discuss with him. I dropped my phone into my lap and let the tears fall where they may. Apparently, our argument had been bigger than I thought.

  “Sasha?” My roommate, Kristin, pushed her way into my bedroom. Apparently, I hadn't been weeping in silence as I had attempted. No, I realized now that I had been sobbing, loudly. “Honey, what's going on? I've never seen you like this before.” She pushed my bangs back off my face and out of my eyes. The moisture they'd soaked up from the tears cascading down my face made them stick to the sides of my head. “Should I call Kade for you?”

  A half choked sob escaped me as I hit redial on my phone and pressed the speaker button so she could hear. Her eyes widened with understanding as she pushed the end call button. “Maybe he just turned his phone off for a while so he could think about how to handle things? You know how guys are when you disrupt their bro-code. Hell, he's been attached at the hip to Jason since high school.” Kristin's bright smile framed by her golden spun hair and the bright blue eyes made her look like an angel. Maybe she was acting as my guardian angel this morning, keeping me from breaking my own heart.

  “Yeah, well he was attached to me long before that,” I huffed out indignantly. The tears started up again when I thought about the possibility that Kade might choose staying with Jason over me, and what would that say about us, really? As much as I needed to tell him my news, I knew I wouldn't be able to do that until I heard his answer to our living situation. We had argued the night before about my moving in with him, because he wanted me to move in with not just him, but his roommate too. I told him I couldn't do that. After all, I had a roommate I was living with as well, and I had known her just as long as he had Jason. If I was okay with telling her I wanted to move in with my boyfriend instead, then he should be willing to do the same, right?

  Now, I was worried that he felt I'd given him an ultimatum his friend or me. It really wasn't like that. I just didn't think we should start out as a couple living together with other roommates involved. That kind of dynamic rarely worked well. I was freaking out more so because our relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend was relatively new still too. We'd only been officially dating for three months now. I'd known Kade since he moved to Northbrook, North Carolina when we were in the fourth grade though. So, it wasn't like we were strangers who just started dating and attempting to live together.

  He was the new kid, more aptly described as the cute new boy, when I first met him. The other boys in class didn't like the fact that the girls were fawning all over him. They were complete jerks, and Kade couldn't figure out why. I didn't bother trying to tell Kade, because he had a sea of girls around him for the first week he was there. They were asking him all kinds of questions and hoping to be his girlfriend. Personally, I thought most boys were stupid.

  That point was proven the day that I punched Johnny Lincoln in the face. I overheard him telling James Beggs and Andy Walker that he was planning on beating Kade up after school. Johnny had a crush on Sarah Beth Conn at the time, and she was the number one girl currently hanging all over a very uncomfortable looking Kade at lunch every day. As luck would have it, Kade had been standing behind me, and heard this nefarious plan too. I didn't realize he was there until after I punched Johnny and started yelling at him. “That boy has done nothing wrong to you, Johnny Lincoln. Just because Sarah Beth thinks he's cuter than you is no reason to go beating people up. Maybe if you'd been nice to him, you could have just told him you like her, and he would have pushed her away more than he all ready does. None of you boys will talk to him, so who else is he supposed to hang out with? That's right, the girls who won't leave him alone.”

  “I can't believe you punched me in the nose, Sasha!” Johnny said in a nasally whine, completely missing everything I just pointed out to him. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

  “You better not let me hear you laid a single hand on him, or I swear I will punch you in the nose again!” Even though James and Andy were Johnny's best friends they were both bent over double, laughing their butts off at him as he held his bloody nose. While they were laughing Johnny's eyes grew big at something behind me.

  I turned to see the very boy I was just defending and half the damn school standing there besides. The girls looked a little ticked that I had let their 'secret' out of the bag, as if they weren't being completely obvious anyway. Kade had a comple
tely different expression on his face though. If I had to pick a word back then, I suppose it would have been wonder. He was looking at me as though I was something amazing, puzzling, and untouchable all at once. That lasted for about five seconds before he swept me up in a huge hug, planted a sweet kiss on my cheek, and whispered into my ear, “thanks for being my hero today.”

  My legs went wobbly and my heart turned to mush right then. I hadn't been crushing on the new boy like all the other girls. I had simply done what needed to be done to get everything back to normal in our little fourth grade world. The joke was on me though, because after that moment, my world was never normal again. Nope. From that moment on, I had a best friend in Kaden Andrew Miller, and we stayed that way right up until the end of fall semester last year, our first year in college, when he started trying to get me to go out with him.

  While our dating history was short, my love for him went all the way back to that day when he kissed my cheek and called me his hero. If only he'd felt the same way then. He didn't, and I have to say, it was really hard being his friend some of those years in between. I always had it in the back of my mind that he never felt the same about me, so what would happen if we started dating and he decided he still didn't like me that way? Now, with our argument about living together with his roommate so fresh, and our not having spoken in days, I was beginning to wonder if my worries weren't a real concern after all.

  “It's okay, honey. You will be just fine. He'll call. He's just a dumb boy. Give it time.” Kristin was saying as she rubbed my back.

  “Kris…” I sobbed out, and couldn't stop the tears or thick emotion from clogging my throat any longer.

  “This isn't just because of the radio silence is it?” I ran for the bathroom and started tossing up the little bit of food I'd managed to hold down since the night before. Kristin followed me into the bathroom to do the best friend thing and hold my hair up off my neck. I heard her sharp intake of breath and new she'd found it.

  “Oh my God! Is this? Sasha…” my name was a whisper on her lips as she picked up the little plastic stick that held my fate. “He doesn't know?”

  “I…” hiccupping through another sob stopped my sentence short. “Just found out, and he… no calls.”

  “Tell me you didn't leave this news on a voicemail or text message?”

  “What? No! I just told him I had to talk to him about something important.”

  “I thought you said you were being careful. Hell, I thought you said you guys had only…” at my destroyed look she stopped herself short. “… a few times.”

  “Our first time,” I whispered through my sobs. “We weren't very careful, because we had both been drinking. It probably would have never even happened, I mean, we would have never happened if not for that night…” my voice trailed as I remembered.

  ~*~

  “Why can't more girls be like you, Sash?” Kade whined to me before taking another swig of beer from his cup. His hazel eyes were greener than anything tonight, and they were shining out from his too handsome face as he spoke.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I was slightly offended by his tone, because up until a few hours ago, I had existed in his world solely as his best friend. I was invisible as a “girl”. Well, that wasn't completely true. He'd been trying for the past few months to get me to take him seriously as more than a friend. I just couldn't get past all the girls he had paraded around in front of me at the beginning of the previous semester.

  “No, it's just…” he was trashed all ready, I could tell. I was actually more than a little disappointed by this. His light brown hair was a sexy mess from him running his hands through it all night, and he had a light stubble decorating his strong jaw line all ready. It all added to the drunken sexy aura he had going on as he explained himself. “They all play these games, and you… you're just genuine, all the damn time. I tried not to like you, because I didn't want to ruin us.” That both felt good to hear and hurt all at once. He'd purposely tried not to see me as anything more than a friend all these years. I mean I was happy that he valued our friendship, but considering I'd been in love with him forever, it hurt to know he'd never been willing to go there.

  I didn't respond. I just sipped my own drink. Okay, I chugged my own drink to keep from responding. Probably not a good idea either since I wasn't much of a drinker, and apparently this concoction Kristin had slipped me earlier was all rum with a tiny splash of something else in it for flavor. I shivered as the alcohol burned down my throat. Kade was watching me, and suddenly I felt really self-conscious.

  “I've always thought you were beautiful,” he offered and my insides twisted with the words. I was a giant ball of confusion when I was around him on the best of days, but with his admissions to me over the past couple of months it was getting worse. He had been dating pretty much all the girls on campus all of last semester. While he was doing so, he was breaking my heart on a daily basis, because those bitches were vicious and would do horrible things to get me out of the way. Sometimes, they'd even push me away from his side and he either never noticed or didn't care. Yes, it was frustrating, because he held my heart in his hands and didn't realize what it did to me every time he had a new skank on his arms, or a new conquest sticking her tongue down his throat in front of me. He had been clueless until one of his male friends pointed it out. Of course, his friend also asked me out on a date in the same breath. That is what ultimately got Kade's attention.

  I swallowed hard, tried to go back to drinking my rum, and realized I had all ready drained my cup. He took it and set it aside on the counter. Then his lips were on mine. I was immediately engulfed by the spicy scent of whatever body wash he used, the beer he'd been drinking, and something else that was all Kade. The first touch of his lips to mine was a gentle, small, and tentative move. My hands found their way to his hips of their own free will, and I suppose he took that as his cue to ramp things up a notch. The gentleness gave way to a fierce kiss that singed its way deep into my soul. When I think back on it, I still feel the bruising pressure of his lips crashing against mine that night. The liquid heat of his tongue as it slid across my lips, demanding I open up for him was burned into my memory. There was no going back at that point so I opened up for him. There was no thoughtfulness to it, just my complete surrender in that moment, to him.

  His right hand had come up to cradle my head just so that his little finger was brushing at the fine hairs at the nape of my neck sending goose bumps across my tender flesh and down through the rest of my body. His left hand was snaking its way around my hip to cradle my ass as he pulled me tight up against his body. His very hard, very aroused body. I had never felt Kade like this before. It was all very new to me, and while it was extremely wanted, there was a niggling fear in the back of my mind that we couldn't come back from this if it went south. Well, I couldn't come back from this. I wasn't exactly sure where Kade stood on the matter.

  Hell, I had been surprised when he'd asked me out to the party as his date just as much as I had been surprised by the other four dates he had asked me out on over the month before the party. He had made it clear that they were all dates, but not a single one of them had ended in a kiss, so I had my doubts about everything until the moment his kiss was branding its mark into my soul in the middle of a frat party.

  It became blaringly obvious in the next couple minutes that our heated kiss had become the center of attention amongst the people standing around the kitchen area of the house with us. Suddenly, I was hearing hoots and hollering where only moments ago there was just this blissful static, nothingness, as I was swept away by the tide of emotions that came rolling in with each lingering caress of his tongue. My face heated with embarrassment as I realized Kade's hand was now groping my ass, and he had one of my legs tucked up around him, cradling his ass with my calf muscle. I had never publicly kissed anyone before, and here I was, suddenly half way to sex with my best friend in the middle of a party.

  That should have been the
cold water dousing my heated hormones into submission, but no, because Kade snagged my other leg up, pulling it around him so he was carrying me with my legs wrapped around his middle through the house and into a bedroom. I don't know whose room it was. I didn't care at the time. As soon as we were inside and the door shut behind us, Kade engaged the lock and started removing my clothing for me. Before I even registered the fact that it was happening I was standing in front of my best friend in nothing more than my, thankfully, lacey blue bra and panty set that Kristin had insisted I wear tonight. “You are absolutely stunning, Sash.” Kade's words came out breathy as he reached up and over his shoulder to tug his own shirt free of his body, and I could have given him the same compliment if words hadn't failed me just then.

  I had seen Kade shirtless too many times to count, but never before when he was completely mine. His body took my breath away. He had such broad shoulders for a 19 year old, and they tapered down to narrow hips seemingly held up to his body by all the defined abdominals that sat between. His skin was still golden tanned even though we were just approaching spring. Before I could finish ogling his upper body his pants were dropping and with them his boxer briefs were peeled away too. I just stood there taking it all in, and there was a lot to take in. As close as we were, for as many years as we had been in each other's lives, I had never seen Kade completely nude. I was suddenly thankful for that, because I hadn't really known what I'd been missing out on.

  I'm not sure Kade even realized I was a virgin. I think he assumed that I had done the deed back in high school. Hell, he probably believed the rumors Scott Ass-hat Mackey had spurted about me our senior year of high school. I know Kade beat the crap out of him for talking shit about me in the locker room, but he never once asked me if it was true. He just looked hurt when I saw him after their fight. I never bothered to correct his assumptions. It was better that way, because I knew how bad it hurt me to know about all the girls Kaden had slept with over the years. A small, tiny, bitter part of me had hoped it hurt him to think I was with someone else too. Petty, I know, but now he would find out it was all a lie and that had me pausing for a brief moment.